There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
