I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
