wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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