is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to calm my uterus...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
