great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
