I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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