birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
