just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
