I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
