Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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