CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
