He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have tasted many bathrooms
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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