WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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