You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
