Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
