I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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