I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
