Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
