I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
