the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize