Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
