I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
