i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
