i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
