How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
