I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
