Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
