I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you didnt know i had herpes?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
