He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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