Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
