I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
