why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
