Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even my vagina gasped.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
