he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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