I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
