i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
