who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
