I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
