I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
