I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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