I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
