I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Panties = found
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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