Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
