Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I want is dick and wine.
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