You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we're so committed to being not committed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
