I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
