I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
