she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
