Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
