we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What a dumb baby whore.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
