It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
