Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
