This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
